Humour.

And out of camera,,, cops pull him, drunk driving, on phone, no insurance, no tax, no MOT, bald tyres, and suspected car toy theft...

Yeah, some twat will report him!

Must be a Scottish thing...

As a kid we had a dog, dad would take it for a walk to the pub with him, he comes home one night, we all look at him and say "where's the dog"...

Quick about turn and back to pub for dog it was...

Marriage Counseling

After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched - with a raised eyebrow.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week.

Can you do this?”

"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I usually go fishing."

get your self off love if you dont like it,

Had to read twice...

“Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check with their finger when you say the paint is wet?”

Not everybody's watched Railroad Alaska...

Days we celebrate:-

Father's Day for fathers...

Mother's Day for mothers...

Valentine's Day for lovers...

Christmas Day for cristians...

Palm Sunday for wankers...

Yip, good...