Humour.

Nae luck! FB video

A loud pounding on the door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. I love this part ...... "Over here on the swing!" replied the drunk.

Bassa

Campbell Brodie wrote:Nae luck! FB video

Campbell Brodie wrote:A loud pounding on the door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. I love this part ...... "Over here on the swing!" replied the drunk.

Campbell Brodie wrote:Nae luck! FB video

First time I ever went to Spain we went on an excursion to a mock bull fight, guys organising are asking people in the audience to come forward, there's a guy "Billy" from Glasgow constantly volunteering, I can still remember his name today over forty years later, guys organising event keep saying you've had a bit to much to drink Billy,,, come the end of event they let him on, the bull they let out for him to fight is twice the size of any of the others, it totally knocked the shit out of him,,, almost felt sory for the drunk eejit...

Funny as fu#k it was, turns out him and his mate were on same coach back to resort as us, black and blue, skin removed from every part of his body, bit less verbal, he would have been sore for rest of holiday...

A Pakistani immigrant goes to a Doctor and says "I feel terrible".

The Doctor says "You need to pee and crap in a bucket for a week, throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage.

Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for 3 days".

The man does this and goes back to the Doctor and says "I feel wonderful!! What was wrong with me?"

 

"You were homesick "

Can't wait for vince's reply

oooo, 

 

I've been getting spammed in FB by this guy called Buster. He keeps sending me videos of songs by the '70's band The Sweet. Does anyone know a way, there's got to be a way, to block Buster...

Dancing machine...

purpletastic!

When your cat crashes his bike in a dream...

fb video

Paddy and Mick found three hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station. Mick asked, "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy replied, "We'll lie and say we only found two."

A coach load of Paddies on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going. The driver won €52.

Paddy's racing snail was not winning races any more so he decided to take its shell off to reduce its weight and make him more aerodynamic. It didn't work; if anything it made him more sluggish.

Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the police and says, "Bejaysus, I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "Is it tickin'?" Paddy says, "No, I tink it's turkey."

Mick says to Paddy, "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife. The whole street was watching yesterday, and laughing at you." Paddy says, "Well the joke's on them, because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Paddy, what ya doing?" Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."

Paddy says to Mick, "I'm ready for a holiday, only this year, I'm going to do it a bit different. Three years ago, I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago, I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks, "So what are you going to do this year?" Paddy replies, "I tink I'll take her with me."

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year." Mick says, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Paddy's in the bathroom and Mick shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "I did, but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."

Campbell Brodie wrote:Dancing machine...

purpletastic!

For feck sake just go have a piss...