Scottish friendship...

1. When ye are sad -- I will help you get pished and plot revenge against the bar steward who made ye sad.
2. When ye are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking ye.
3. When ye smile -- I will know ye are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.
4. When ye are scared -- I will take the pish oot o you every chance I get,
until you're NOT.
5. When ye are worried -- I will tell ye stories about how much worse it could be until
YE STOP WHINING!
6... When yer confused -- I will try to use only wee words .
7... When yer sick -- Stay the f*** away fae me until ye are well again.
I don't want whatever ye've got.
8... When ye fall, I will laugh my heid aff at you, you clumsy arse,
.........but I'll help you up.
9... This is my oath.... I pledge it tae the end.
'Why?' you may ask;
Because you are my friend.
Friendship is like pishing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth

Could you please translate that in to English so I can show the guys in the local it, some of them still don't get me, been it hot water a few times with my Scottish sense of humour...

If you are in the pub tonight at 8pm you are gonna need one. 

I was in Lazy daze, packed out, English and Scottish, right laugh, Scottish bought us drinks.

Wouldn't get someone from Yorkshire doing that would you..

  I dont drink, so no