Once there was this guy from Glasgow who took a vacation to Aberdeen. While there, he met up with a prostitute. He got down & dirty with her. Afterwards, the prostitute said: "£100 pounds." The guy said: "No, here is £200." The prostitute responded: "You're so kind." Some days pass, and the guy met up with the same prostitute again and had sex again. The prostitute asked for £100, but the guy again says: "No, here's £200." The prostitute says: "You're so kind." More days pass, and the guy met up with the prostitute one last time to have sex. The prostitute says: "£100, please." The guy slaps her and hands her £200. The prostitute says: " you're so kind. Where are you from?" Guy says: "I'm from Glasgow." The prostitute says: "I am from there too." The guy says: "I know, your mum sent me to give you £600"...
+5
Topdog
Gypsy
Mcqueen
Adam Mint
BobMac
9 posters
Pregnant Prostitute
Adam Mint-
Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Gypsy-
Posts : 12655
Join date : 2011-08-14
Silly boy he could have visited twice as as many times!!
Adam Mint-
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Age : 59
As you said, us Scots ain't tight...
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Why is Parliament like a whore's dream?
Its full of pricks...
Its full of pricks...
Adam Mint-
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Age : 59
Why do prostitutes wear knickers?
To keep their ankles warm...
To keep their ankles warm...
Perfectspecimen-
Posts : 14451
Join date : 2011-08-15
Age : 70
Location : Cambs / Golf del Sur
Adam Mint wrote:Why do prostitutes wear knickers?
To keep their ankles warm...
Now far be it for me to complain but this is an Essex girl joke, or even a blonde joke.......
I bet the birds who read this think we are real quality guys.......
Mcqueen-
Posts : 30546
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 70
Location : England
Dont think we have any women left Vince, We scared them all off, Howard did the most
Perfectspecimen-
- Posts : 14451
Join date : 2011-08-15
Age : 70
Location : Cambs / Golf del Sur
Howards got a sore head. He found a Witherspoons doing Guinness for £1.50 a pint. 
Gypsy-
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Mcqueen wrote:Dont think we have any women left Vince, We scared them all off, Howard did the most
OK that is Me and Mermaid out of here 
Mcqueen-
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Mermaid-
- Posts : 10439
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Location : Scotland
We must be invisible Gypsy.Gypsy wrote:Mcqueen wrote:Dont think we have any women left Vince, We scared them all off, Howard did the most
Perfectspecimen-
- Posts : 14451
Join date : 2011-08-15
Age : 70
Location : Cambs / Golf del Sur
Just like the attention thats why you stay, anyway, we need to be kept under control or the thought police will be round.
Adam Mint-
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Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Which is more profitable, a two storey or a one storey whore house?
A one storey because there's no fu#king overheads...
A one storey because there's no fu#king overheads...
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
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Age : 59
What's the definition of a complete and utter failure?
A pregnant whore...
A pregnant whore...
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
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Age : 59
What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts...
Brothel sprouts...
searcher-
- Posts : 7625
Join date : 2012-09-18
Age : 80
Location : edinburgh
Often wondered how prostitutes made any money as they are always on short time
Adam Mint-
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Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Cop to a hooker: "What would your mother do if she saw you doing this?"
"She'd kill me... It's her corner"...
"She'd kill me... It's her corner"...
Adam Mint-
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Age : 59
A man walked into a whorehouse and picked out his date for the night. He was feeling extra frisky so he decided to go down on her. After a minute or so he notices a spaghetti noodle in her cooter. He decides to let it go and continues for a while and then pulls out half of a meatball. He looks up and yells "Damn bitch are you sick?" She says "no but the guy before you was"...
Mcqueen-
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Age : 70
Location : England
:Not me Guv:
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
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Age : 59
Hear about the hooker that had a 18 stone customer?
She was pressed for cash...
She was pressed for cash...
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
What do you get when you cross a prostitute with a computer?
A fu#king know it all...
A fu#king know it all...
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
What does a prostitue use for protection during sex?
A bus shelter...
A bus shelter...
Gypsy-
- Posts : 12655
Join date : 2011-08-14
Adam Mint wrote:What does a prostitue use for protection during sex?
A bus shelter...
That was funny
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
A German chap asks a prostitute for a shag and she tells him it's 50 euro. 'Fine' he says, 'but I'm a bit kinky.' She agrees that this is OK as long as he doesn't do anything violent.
They get back to her flat and he gets out four big springs attached to some straps. 'I want
you to put one of these on each elbow and one on each knee' he asks. The prostitute is worried that she's getting into something a bit heavy, but she goes along with his request.
Then she is told to get down on all fours, naked, in front of him whom she does grudgingly.
Then he asks her to start bouncing up and down on the springs and finally he takes a duck
call whistle from his pocket. 'Blow on this while I am shagging you' he tells her. So he's banging away at her from behind while she's bouncing on the springs blowing the duck whistle. Suddenly she starts to enjoy the shagging, so much so in fact that she experiences the most fantastic orgasm she's ever had. After they've finished she says 'Wow, that was the most fantastic sex I've had in 25 years on the game, how the hell did you make it so good?'
'Ah,' he replies, 'Foursprung Duck Technique'
They get back to her flat and he gets out four big springs attached to some straps. 'I want
you to put one of these on each elbow and one on each knee' he asks. The prostitute is worried that she's getting into something a bit heavy, but she goes along with his request.
Then she is told to get down on all fours, naked, in front of him whom she does grudgingly.
Then he asks her to start bouncing up and down on the springs and finally he takes a duck
call whistle from his pocket. 'Blow on this while I am shagging you' he tells her. So he's banging away at her from behind while she's bouncing on the springs blowing the duck whistle. Suddenly she starts to enjoy the shagging, so much so in fact that she experiences the most fantastic orgasm she's ever had. After they've finished she says 'Wow, that was the most fantastic sex I've had in 25 years on the game, how the hell did you make it so good?'
'Ah,' he replies, 'Foursprung Duck Technique'
Mcqueen-
- Posts : 30546
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 70
Location : England