Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and Taramasalata. It's a double dip recession.
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A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?" The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
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63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. The police are blaming AL IKEA .
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Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
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Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?" The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that. Three of you have got to get out!"
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Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
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Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
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My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
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Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
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Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots. Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.
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Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both in hospital. One's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka!
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In the first few days of the Olympics, eastern Europeans took gold, silver, bronze, copper and lead.
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Sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.
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An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan. He is making land mines that look like prayer mats! It's doing well. Prophets are going through the roof!
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A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies 'bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?'
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A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible. I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment.' He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
----------------------------------------
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?" The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
------------------------------------------
63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning. It was not a terrorist attack, a bunk bed collapsed. The police are blaming AL IKEA .
----------------------------------------
Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
----------------------------------------
Police stop a Pakistani in his transit van on the motorway. Policeman says "Do you know the limit is 70?" The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that. Three of you have got to get out!"
----------------------------------------
Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "Bollocks to that" said Paddy "That's the last time I go lion dancing"
-----------------------------------
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."
---------------------------------------------
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak.
--------------------------------------------------------
Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
-----------------------------------
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.
--------------------------------------
Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.
-----------------------------------
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
----------------------------------
Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's Riots. Your One Year Manufacturer's Warranty Runs Out Soon.
-----------------------------------------------
Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both in hospital. One's in a korma, the other's got a dodgy tikka!
----------------------------------------------
In the first few days of the Olympics, eastern Europeans took gold, silver, bronze, copper and lead.
---------------------------------------------
Sailing results are in: USA took gold, GB took silver and Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth.
----------------------------------------------
An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan. He is making land mines that look like prayer mats! It's doing well. Prophets are going through the roof!
------------------------------------------------
A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies 'bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?'
----------------------------------------------
A woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband: 'I look horrible. I feel fat and ugly. Pay me a compliment.' He replies, 'Your eyesight is perfect.'
