Jokes

Mcqueen wrote:

Ditto 

Do people make money by saying stuff like that 

I read that joke and thought the same as you two. WTF is that joke all about?

"If we were truly created by God, why do we occasionally bite the insides of our mouths?'

Dara O'Brien (4 February 1972 -)

"I come from Canada, one of the friendliest places in the world. I don't get angry. I shimmy.'

Phil Nichol

nowt special there then.
I come from Brighton, I don't BUM around much.

"I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.'

Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004)

"A man doesn't know what hapiness is until he's married. By then it's too late.'

Frank Skinner (January 28 1957-)

'I like the pope. You know that white thing on his head? If you push that down and twist it, he's full of sweets.'

Sean Lock (22 April 1963 -)

I don't know if I'm the right person to be doing jokes about religion; in the past few months, I've become religious, I’ve started to believe in God, creationism and intelligent design, and the reason that I now believe in God and creationism and intelligent design is because of Professor Richard Dawkins. Because when I look at something as complex and intricate and beautiful as Professor Richard Dawkins, I don't think that just could've evolved by chance! Professor Richard Dawkins was put there by god to test us, like fossils. And facts.

Stewart Lee (April 5, 1968)

“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”

Tina Fey (May 18, 1970)

"I remember the last thing my nan said to me before she died. ‘What are you doing here with that hammer?''

Lee Mack (4 August 1968)

"Whoever said nothing is impossible obviously hasn't tried nailing jelly to a tree.'

John Candy (1950-1994)

“Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day”

John Bishop (30 November 1966 -)

'You know, I go to the theatre to be entertained... I don’t want to see plays about rape, sodomy and drug addiction... I can get all that at home.'

Peter Cook (1937-1995

One of the lads in the pool team is always texting jokes, this was yesterday's effort...

My mate just bought a pub, and was going to rename it "Prince Charming" or "Goody Two Shoes". I tried to talk him out of it, but he's Adamant...