This was put on an Amazon review site of Veet for men... 
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I
decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving
attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out
trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I
thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a
treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I
considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the
previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types... oh my fellow
sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up
in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went
down to the bathroom.
Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I
did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and ********.
The ******** I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon
coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it
grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so
that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND ********.
Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for
something to happen. I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a
gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense
burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed
wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly
became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning
around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat
and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to
wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole
with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the
bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not
really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope
of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a
tub of ice cream, tore the lid off and positioned it under me. The
relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and
the fiery stabbing soon returned.
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the
starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something
else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a
bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying
to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to
clench some between the cheeks of my ****. This was not doing the trick
as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt
like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to
wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some
idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently
ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the
other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by
the sight of me, **** in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my
bell end pushing a sprout up my **** while muttering... "Ooooh that
feels good". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a
scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm
of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite
some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout
farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't
the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids
the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't
improve my status...
So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...
(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my
******** might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)
Regards
Malcolm Frost
I dare you not to laugh
