Paddy says to Murphy...

Paddy says to Murphy “have you seen the news? Three cliff walkers have fallen to their deaths”. “Unbelievable says Murphy, I can’t believe they all had the same name”...

, 2 Elephants fell after them -Boom Boom

That was actually a good one ( for once)!

Paddy the inventor, patented the solar-powered torch...

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.
"B'jeesus," said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin short dat runway is."
"You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus.
"Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see," said Paddy.
"You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy." replied Shamus.
"Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.
"And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.
"And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy.
"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.
"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said Paddy.
"I be doing dat already" replied Shamus.
So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board.
As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life".
Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is".

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What? He had two arseholes?" asked the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes....'"

A bar is empty except for two patrons. One of them staggers over to the other and says, "How's it going? Where you from?"
The other guy says "Ireland."
The first drunk says "That's cool! I'm from Ireland too! Let's have a round for Ireland!" They both drink merrily.
Then the first guy says "So where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Dublin? Awesome! I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another round for Dublin!" Once again, they both drink merrily.
Then the first guy asks, "So where did you go to school?"
"St. Mary's, class of '62" answers the other guy.
"Incredible! I graduated in '62 from St. Mary's, too! Let's have a round for St. Mary's!" Once again, they suck down another round.
Just then, one of the bar regulars walks in and sits at the bar. He asks the bartender, "So what's going on today?"
The bartender answers, "Nothing... The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

Paddy goes to a carpenter. "Can you build me a box that's two inches deep, two inches wide and 50 feet long?"
"Well," says the carpenter, "it could be done, I suppose, but what would you want with a box like that?"
"Well'" said the Irishman, "my neighbour moved away and forgot to take a few things with him -- and he asked me to send him his garden hose."

Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street. Murphy falls in hole and hurts himself. He calls out, "Paddy, call me an ambulance".
Paddy starts jumping up and down clapping his hands yelling, "Murphy's an ambulance, Murphy's an ambulance".

Paddy says “The local shop ran out of milk again due to the freezing weather”, Murphy pipes up “Fortunately my elderly neighbour Ethel has plenty stacked up on her doorstep”.