The Cremated Husband

An elderly lady recently lost her husband.  She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him........

"You know that dishwasher you promised me?
I bought it with the Insurance money!"

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
"Remember that car you promised me?
Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the ashes she said,
"Remember that diamond ring you promised me?
Bought it too, with the insurance money!"

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said,

"Remember that blow job I promised you?"

"Here it comes."

 

When I was at college one of the lads in the class dad died, John was off for a few days, on his return we were in a class called modern studies, it was a load of shit, we were studying for engineering certificates, but for some reason we had an hour a day of this modern studies class, the teacher was a hippy type guy and the class consisted of talking about anything, due to the death of Johns father the teacher decided to have discussion about death, the topic turned to when were you actually dead, physically and spiritually, the teacher asked John his interpretation, John now a bit pissed off with the discussion replied, “well in my father’s case I would say probably when he came out of the incinerator”...