The Daily Mash

Eye it's a mystery . 

"Sunny place" in ancient Greek...Daily Mash

Surgeon talking shite again,,, I rest my case..............

Cat's "Forever Home".

I am well aware Brian Denson uses me, he's layed in my chair waiting for Lexie to go to gymnastics so he can get some Zzzz

Had a couple of wife's just like that...

One of my pet hates...Daily Mash

One for Dermo! Daily Mash

We have more or less settled travellers in our village, but 3 of them are deaf. They have kids going to the local school and feckin park in any driveway that suits them as long as they don't have to walk too far to collect the kids. They seem to be ok actually. I remember the first time one of them "Spoke" to me. He was waving his arms and hands and saying "Uh uh oo arrgh sppttt". I'm not trying to be mean here, but I honestly thought it was just the way they spoke so I said "Sorry, didn't quite catch that". Some of the other dad's turned away so they couldn't be seen pissing themselves laughing. Kents, not one of them warned me . 

One of my mates has a few pet hates, students, the Irish, farmers and gyppos, were in a bar one night, we get speaking to this woman, she speaks like a mank but claims to be an Irish gypsy,,, oops two of my mates pet hates in one go, so he starts very calmly:-

"where do you live"

'Denton' (Area of Manchester)

"So where do you park your caravan"

'I don't have a caravan'

"So what do you live in"

'A house'

"Well you ain't a feckin gypsy then"

Pressed the right button there he did.....................

It's a wonder a thunderbolt didn't come through the roof & flatten him . x

Think I may have posted this before but you mention the word "flatten",,, me and same mate early hours of the morning we end up in a city centre pub on a bit of a bender, we get talking to three"Big" Irish guys standing at the bar, conversation goes as follows:-

Mate:- So what brings you over here lads, work?

Irish lads:- No, we're over for the St Patricks Day parade... (Manchester puts on a big one)

Mate:- You know I don't really understand that, you come over here, blow up our city centre, and we give you a feckin parade.........

Oops time to go me thinks...

Daily Mash

For a second there I thought someone had bought Teresa one of them guns with a laser sight...

Daily Mash

Daily Mash

That Daily Mash page and my iPad don't see eye to eye at all,,, takes ages to load, keep getting pop ups when on in, doesn't want to scroll up or down, then when it does page freezes or goes black...

Why, why, why the feck do I keep opening it...

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yeah that is a point, why do people stand staring, just walk through and thats it. Saw a few people staring at the Angel of the North, think they may have been scrap metal merchants figuring out the value.

First date bullshit... Daily Mash

Why do I bother opening these feckin pages...

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 

Mother's Day

I ain't opening it as it fecks my iPad right up...

Farmers celebrate Spring... Daily Mash