Drink driving?

True story reported by an English guy who was stopped and asked to give a breathalyser test.

The English guy lives near Le Bugue in the Dordogne and at the time he was stopped he was as pis*ed as a fart...

The gendarme signals to him to wind down the window then asks him if he has been drinking, and with a slurring speech the English guy replies; 'Yes, this morning I was at my (hic)..daughter's wedding, and as I don't like church much I went to the cafe opposite and had several beers. Then during the wedding banquet I seem to remember downing three great bottles of wine; (hic)... a corbieres, a Minervois and (hic)...a Faugeres. Then to finish off during the celebrations.... and (hic) during the evening ...me and my mate downed two bottles of Johnny Walker's black label.'

Getting impatient the gendarme warns him; 'Do you understand I'm a policeman and have stopped you for an alcohol test'?

The Englishman with a grin on his face replies; 'Do you understand that I'm English, like my car, and that my wife is sitting in the other seat, at the steering wheel?'

Earlier this year in Menorca, got barman to phone us a taxi, I open the door and start to get in, WTF...

I'm sitting on the drivers knee...

Somehow Adam I just can't imagine you having a holiday in MENORCA:  :Not me Guv:

searcher wrote:Somehow Adam I just can't imagine you having a holiday in MENORCA:  :Not me Guv:

You see him more as Ayia Napa man  

More a Yelas man at his age. 

searcher wrote:Somehow Adam I just can't imagine you having a holiday in MENORCA:  :Not me Guv:

Wasn't my choice, but we made the best of it...

Gypsy wrote:

searcher wrote:Somehow Adam I just can't imagine you having a holiday in MENORCA:  :Not me Guv:

You see him more as Ayia Napa man  

mmmm, a possible...

Perfectspecimen wrote:More a Yelas man at his age. 

Nice island, shame about the pub...

But you can sit outside and take the piss out of the saddos in the bar next door, twice as much the beer in there costs. Happy to pay that of course these pot bellied pink skinned Scots just so they can sit there in their green and white hooped uniforms. The saddest thing of course is the number of kids who have to sit there watching their parents acting like monkeys when they should be at school learning how to make an honest living. There is an empty shop next door, a Greggs would go down just perfect.

Perfectspecimen wrote:But you can sit outside and take the piss out of the saddos in the bar next door, twice as much the beer in there costs. Happy to pay that of course these pot bellied pink skinned Scots just so they can sit there in their green and white hooped uniforms. The saddest thing of course is the number of kids who have to sit there watching their parents acting like monkeys when they should be at school learning how to make an honest living. There is an empty shop next door, a Greggs would go down just perfect.

   

Perfectspecimen wrote:But you can sit outside and take the piss out of the saddos in the bar next door, twice as much the beer in there costs. Happy to pay that of course these pot bellied pink skinned Scots just so they can sit there in their green and white hooped uniforms. The saddest thing of course is the number of kids who have to sit there watching their parents acting like monkeys when they should be at school learning how to make an honest living. There is an empty shop next door, a Greggs would go down just perfect.

Whats Cam done to upset you...

Exception to the rule Cam is, no pot belly.

Adam Mint wrote:

Perfectspecimen wrote:But you can sit outside and take the piss out of the saddos in the bar next door, twice as much the beer in there costs. Happy to pay that of course these pot bellied pink skinned Scots just so they can sit there in their green and white hooped uniforms. The saddest thing of course is the number of kids who have to sit there watching their parents acting like monkeys when they should be at school learning how to make an honest living. There is an empty shop next door, a Greggs would go down just perfect.

Whats Cam done to upset you...

i was wondering that as well

Go and check the place out if you think I'm exaggerating, it pretty much sums up all that is embarrassing about Brits abroad. And yes, I know I'm not really the best example.......

I've never been in The Hoops Bar...or Yelas. In fact, I've never had a drink in any bar on the Funchal strip... 

Would you remember  

Yep! I don't like those tiny, wee bars. You couldn't have a game of darts in them!  

You just sit there drinking and watching peeps go by, and buses. Oops nearly forgot, and prostitutes. You can chat with pensioners, always got a tale or two, or even me! You can watch all the sports on the tele too, even Rugby and darts. However the greatest attraction has to be Dorada for €1 a pint, marvellous. 
 
Hoops does have a pool table, but the balls dont go straight or the cues so I wouldnt bother, and I'm shite at darts.

Have you seen the size of that Buckie's Bar below the Irish Times? Guy called Tony runs it, we give him a wee smile as we walk upstairs to the Times. I think the fire regulations stipulate only 2 punters allowed... 

It's the real Tenerife,,, innit...

Once I went there, not over friendly.

They dont like gob shites........

Mind you, there is a bloke in Yelas every day with a pony-tail. 

Perfectspecimen wrote:You just sit there drinking and watching peeps go by, and buses. Oops nearly forgot, and prostitutes. You can chat with pensioners, always got a tale or two, or even me! You can watch all the sports on the tele too, even Rugby and darts. However the greatest attraction has to be Dorada for €1 a pint, marvellous. 
 
Hoops does have a pool table, but the balls dont go straight or the cues so I wouldnt bother, and I'm shite at darts.

Sundowners do "Dorada" for 1 euro??? I'm going to feckin live there next summer 

€1 Half pint Dermo  

3rdforum wrote:

Perfectspecimen wrote:You just sit there drinking and watching peeps go by, and buses. Oops nearly forgot, and prostitutes. You can chat with pensioners, always got a tale or two, or even me! You can watch all the sports on the tele too, even Rugby and darts. However the greatest attraction has to be Dorada for €1 a pint, marvellous. 
 
Hoops does have a pool table, but the balls dont go straight or the cues so I wouldnt bother, and I'm shite at darts.

Sundowners do "Dorada" for 1 euro??? I'm going to feckin live there next summer 

No thats Yelas bar in Los Cris Dermot. Sundowners is €1.50, bit more up market. Well, perhaps not. Less competition then.