"To a fart"... 
Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert working like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin' all ower the place.
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try to stifle,
It's like a bullet oot a rifle.
Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shift yersel frae cheek to cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek.
But aw yer efforts go assounder
Oot it comes like a clap of thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me, a sonic boom!
God almighty it fairly reeks;
Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scorry
Aw whit the hell, its nae ma worry
A'body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or twa are nearly bokin
I'll feel the better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.
Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,
Alas! tae late, hes just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
I dinnae feel welcome and mair.
Where eer ye mae be, let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o wan we ferty.
Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert working like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin' all ower the place.
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try to stifle,
It's like a bullet oot a rifle.
Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shift yersel frae cheek to cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek.
But aw yer efforts go assounder
Oot it comes like a clap of thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me, a sonic boom!
God almighty it fairly reeks;
Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scorry
Aw whit the hell, its nae ma worry
A'body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or twa are nearly bokin
I'll feel the better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.
Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,
Alas! tae late, hes just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
I dinnae feel welcome and mair.
Where eer ye mae be, let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o wan we ferty.
