Not exactly a lockdown then Boris?

Non essensial shops closing he says so panic time, I need some guttering. Turns out both Screwfix and Toolstation are not included????? Anyway neither had all the stuff I needed so I have ordered a delivery from both, enough for no delivery charge of course.  
Cant remember the last time I bought clothes from a clothes shop. Nearly all done on line with maybe the odd item from George at Asda or Tesco both of which are trading still. Just along the road from where I saw the pub obviously open today was a tattoo parlour with door open....... A big no no I would have thought.
Essex girls must be pulling their hair (extensions) out.......... Good job I got a haircut the other day, keep me going for a while.
About time you banned air travel too Boris, I have a live ticket for March 31st. Would be nice if I could get my £16.99 back. Good chance they wont let me in anyway and thats likely to cost one hell of a lot more to get back in that circumstance.
Patsy will be beavering away on her computer working from home. Last week she was on there with about four of her workmates chatting on Skype. Rabitting on about Penis Pizza......   Yeah, fecked if I know, I didnt ask...... Luckily we had no flour at the time.

Gatherings are now banned, more than two people. Except, wait for it, familys going to supermarket! NO, kids should not be allowed anywhere near. Apart from the fact that they are generally a pain they run around touching everything. Perfect excuse now, ban them. Also unemployed types. You know the ones. Dad pushes the ropey looking pushchair. Feck off. The food bank is that way! Grrrrr. 

I knew it was coming but it has hit me big time. Can't sleep,in pain.So have got up for pain killers and a cuppa. If I had drink in the house I would be on it to knock me out

Sharon's cure for all ailments is brandy and hot water, she says her mother gave her it as a kid anytime she was poorly, I suspect her mother was trying to knock her out... But she swears by it so much I've even seen her take it as a precautionary measure...

Generally take 3 precautions a week, next one due tonight.

Good old Charlie. Decides to self-isolate in Balmoral and brings the virus with him...BBC News

Thats great news, he is not at Sandringham then.

All the rich people from London have descended to their holiday homes in North Norfolk. Range Rovers everywhere. I am keeping well away then. London is doomed!