funnies from Oneleg

Had to share these,thanks to our fried Oneleg



How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.


Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!


A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.


I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.


England has no kidney bank, but it does have a
Liverpool .


I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.


They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.


I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.


Jokes about German
sausage are the wurst.


I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.


I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it
dawned on me.


I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it
down.


I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on
words.


Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.


We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop
quiz.


Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job
because she couldn't control her pupils?


When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.


Broken pencils are pointless.


I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.


Velcro - what a rip
off!

He also sent us this one
-----------------------------

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bed room closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.

She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is"
Boy " I have a baseball."
Man "That's nice"
Boy "Want to buy it?"
Man "No, thanks"
Boy "My dad/s outside..."
Man "O.K. - How much?"
Boy "$250"

In a few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy "Dark in here"
Man “ Yes, it is."
Boy "I have a baseball glove"
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?"
Boy "$750"
Man "Sold!"

A few days later the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy " $ 1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here".
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in my closet now."

He is bloody mad that bloke.