Humour.

  Disaster

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better go see my private doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Tescos. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs
£10...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."
So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tescos. He deposits £10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity.
It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Tescos, eager to check the results. He deposits £10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo, aisle 7.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant, twin girls. They aren't yours, get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!!

I'd give him the job!

Brutally honest 

Is it me, Goggle Box,,,

Depends...

  I like John

Campbell Brodie wrote:

Some years back I'm up Shetland on a small island, local pub looks over the harbour, it's a Saturday night and pubs busy, everybody drives to the pub as there are no busses, taxies or plod on the island, it's a lovely summer evening, pubs building with blue roof in picture below, road layout was a bit different back then, road went along front of pub as now but there was just space between road and harbour to park a car nose or reversed towards the water, so there is a row of cars parked up, everyone on island knows everyone, so along come Jim and Joe in a brand new Opel Bellair, see a parking space and pull in to it smartish, just one problem, the reason the parking space was empty is because it wasn't a parking space,,, it was the cutout in the pier where they lift boats out...
Car ended as per above picture in about two feet of water, everyone in pub is at window, the two car occupants work their way up car on to pier, they come in to pub quite calm and order a beer, someone says what you doing about car, they say we'll sort it tomorrow, it's pointed out to them that's a bad idea as  tide is coming in and car is gonna be in a worse state than it is already in if they don't get it moved,,, so guy on island who has a JCB is contacted, he arrives, and with the use of chains car is unceremoniously lifted out of harbour,,, then they all had a pint, it was if nothing had happened...

no point in making a drama out of a crisis