100 year old driving school...

I'm channel hopping and come over this TV program, it's about people aged around 100 years old and should they be driving, they are being assessed by ROSPA, assessor just been out with one old dear (Peggy), she's a headstrong old dear and thinks her driving so fine (It Ain't), guys about shitting himself sitting beside her,,, program is funny but it's scary thinking these people are on the road...

That said Annie's half that age and she shouldn't be driving, we fall out every time we're out in her car, all these three incedents below happened within a 3 mile drive, it's a sunny Saturday afternoon, she's dropping her son and his mate at the cinema then me at the pub to watch football:-

1. We're driving down a long straight road in a residential area, there's an old woman crossing the road a 100 yards or so away, she's very slow and it's obvious she ant gonna clear the road by the time we reach her, Annie's not reacting and is driving at her at a constant speed, eventually I shout at her to slow down, she "What What What", I say "old woman in road", she brakes lifts her sunglasses and says " these are so dark I can't see a thing through them"...

2. She pulls in at cinema in town to drop off her son and his mate, they exit car, she pulls out straight in to the path of a passing car, screech of brakes and horn...

3.We're heading pub to drop me off, we have to cross a single car width hump back bridge over a canal in town, she approaches it at speed not slowing down in any way, we take off going over bridge, if there had been anything coming other way no chance,,, she'd been that road many times before, her reply to my screams, oh, forgot about that...

Got me started now...

She giving me a lift to pool or quiz one night, to get out of Annie's estate you have to turn right on to a busy main road, Annie's getting frustrated waiting to get out, there a gap you couldn't get a razor blade through, she goes for it, cars braking and swerving everywhere, I go mental at her, she pulls up, we have a ding dong at side of road, I get out of car and get bus to town...

Oh, and there's more, lots more...

Quite recently we're heading town down a road we don't normally use, there's an odd building on the right hand side of road, I say to Annie what's that building, now this building goes on for a bit, you don't have to turn your head to look ar it, but she does, 90 degrees, and keeps it that way, traffic in front stops but she don't see it, I yank on handbrake and shout stop, we stop inches from car in front... First time Annie's been speechless...

Oh and it was a bus depot, didn't have scaffolding up on day of incident...

Oh I'm not finished yet...

Most Wednesday's Annie drops me off at pool night, it's same route every Wednesday, and the same cockup every Wednesday, in picture below we come down road from top right of picture, and turn right in to road exiting top left of picture which is two lanes one way...

Road we come down is three lanes at junction, near side (Left) is for straight on, middle lanes for straight on or turn right in to near side lane of other road, outside lane is for right turn only in to outside lane of road we're turning in to, so we need to be in outside lane,,, I have to remind her every time, then as we turn right she goes in to near side lane of other road almost side swiping traffic in that lane,,, every feckin Wednesday...

Then a couple of hundred yards down the road from that one we have to negotiate this junction, we're going straight on so simples innit (no), oh that's Manchester Victoria station first left, then the Arena and arena car park, tower is Strangways Prison, and black building under it is the Snooker Club,,, only another two hundred yards or so to go, simples innit, straight over junction innit,,, NO,,, junction turns slightly to the right with a bit of a "S" squiggle as yo exit it, lanes are clearly marked,,, so it's a bit of a zig zag to negotiate, but Annie, NO, straight line through every lane, white lines on road mean nothing,,, Arghhhhhh,,, most of first pint in club ends up on floor then shaking stops...

Women aren't wired up to right to drive...

Agreed

Adam Mint wrote:Oh I'm not finished yet...

Most Wednesday's Annie drops me off at pool night, it's same route every Wednesday, and the same cockup every Wednesday, in picture below we come down road from top right of picture, and turn right in to road exiting top left of picture which is two lanes one way...

Road we come down is three lanes at junction, near side (Left) is for straight on, middle lanes for straight on or turn right in to near side lane of other road, outside lane is for right turn only in to outside lane of road we're turning in to, so we need to be in outside lane,,, I have to remind her every time, then as we turn right she goes in to near side lane of other road almost side swiping traffic in that lane,,, every feckin Wednesday...

Adam Mint wrote:Then a couple of hundred yards down the road from that one we have to negotiate this junction, we're going straight on so simples innit (no), oh that's Manchester Victoria station first left, then the Arena and arena car park, tower is Strangways Prison, and black building under it is the Snooker Club,,, only another two hundred yards or so to go, simples innit, straight over junction innit,,, NO,,, junction turns slightly to the right with a bit of a "S" squiggle as yo exit it, lanes are clearly marked,,, so it's a bit of a zig zag to negotiate, but Annie, NO, straight line through every lane, white lines on road mean nothing,,, Arghhhhhh,,, most of first pint in club ends up on floor then shaking stops...

Do they have a sixth sense,,, tonight I'm waiting on her screwing it up as she's done for years,  I'm just about to say outside lane and she moves in to it,,, keeps in right lane at corner and next junction,,,,,, Bitch.

3rdforum wrote:  

Oh, and don't think your safe,,,  Belfast Airport to Carndonagh a year or two back, we'd hired a small automatic Corsa cos Annie don't have a way with three pedals and a gear stick,,, ( for feck sake all she's got to do is point the freckling thing and she has difficulty with that), anyway hire company at airport say they've only got a Vectra automatic, not what we'd ordered, so we're stuck between a rock and a hard place,,, oh, I ain't driving cos I only drink and fly...

We get to outskirts of Derry, big roundabout, road we're on splits in to four lanes to enter roundabout, we want to be in inside (left hand lane) to exit roundabout for the "Foyle Bridge"...

Annie has five things what to do...

1. The cars sat nav...
2. Her own sat nav (cos she don't trust the car one)...
3. Road signs in advance of roundabouts saying what lane to be in...
4. Road markings on road saying what lane goes where...
5. And me advising with love and patience,,,...

So we approach roundabout in nearside land (left), that correct one,,, Annie moves to right outside lane,,, I say where you going, she's says I don't understand inside/outside lane,,,,,,,,,, we enter roundabout wrong lane,,, so go round once more and get in right lane to exit, simples innit,,, no,,, just ignores lane dicipline and heads for exit we need, missed a woman in another car only because woman took avoiding action, three passengers in our car were like Garfields stuck to window going Arghhhhhh...

Oh there was £1250 excess on hire car ON MY CREDIT CARD...................

Do you have to have any specialized training to be a passenger seat driver and is it more difficult than the backseat one???

innit wrote:Do you have to have any specialized training to be a passenger seat driver and is it more difficult than the backseat one???

Yip, main part of training is remembering to keep your gob shut or world war three starts...

I could pass a negative comment every 50 yards or so, I have to bite my tongue so often I've got permanent teeth marks in it,,, she drives with a 20 foot radar, what I mean by that is anything happening more than twenty feet in front of her don't register with her, for example, bus is stopped at bus stop, other cars are filtering in to outside lane to pass it, not Annie, right up to back of bus and has to force her way in to outside lane, dual carriageway we use a lot inside lane is blocked off for weeks with roadworks, big signs up telling you inside lane is blocked so traffic is filtering into outside lane in advance to pass roadworks, not Annie, drives right up to them and again has to force her way in to outside lane to get past them,,, traffic lights, you can see your gonna have to stop but foot on accelerator till last minute then brake, there's a dent in the passenger side floor where I keep trying force my right foot through it,,, but green traffic lights, Ah, would seem different rules apply, she slows down for them??? people behind her must be thinking WTF,,, lane choice at junctions, we mainly travel the same routes so know the roads well and what way we're going at junctions so being in the right position on the road to negotiate the junction should be easy,,, No,,, as said 20 feet or so from junction radar kicks in and rapid lane changing takes place, not always successfully, often we end straddling two lanes which blocks other traffic or just completely in the wrong lane,,, I could tell her in advance where to be on the road but that just starts world war three as mentioned above,,, heading to town there's a short cut through an industrial area which cuts out a good few sets of traffic lights (I learnt about it due to a taxi using it one night), so to use it we have to turn right off the main road in to town, virtually every time we head town it's when we're about twenty feet from turning the radar kicks in and its brakes, indicator, and the car positioned roughly somewhere ready to do right turn, usually arse end of car is blocking traffic behind us which there is no need for given width of road, and as I say these occurances are on roads she knows and uses daily... It's actuall better when we're going somewhere we don't know and she uses the satnav, at least someone's telling her where to turn and what lane she's gotta be in,,, Oh, and she has fell out with the satnav, she didn't like the tone of the woman telling her what to do and would keep telling her to shut up,,, we found out the satnav had voice options so there is now a nice calm male voice telling her where to go,,, obviously not mine.........

Earlier tonight Annie runs me to Thursday pub quiz, no major incidents, drove in wrong lane (outside) for no reason for a bit but sorted it before we got to junction where we needed to be in nearside lane to do a left turn,,, we're approaching pub and I'm thinking  reasonably uneventful journey,,,  pulling up at pub she clips kerb which causes her to lose control of steering so we end up on pavement,,, on the positive side I had less distance to walk to pub door...

So I get in pub, I mention the "100 year old driving school" TV program that got me started on this. thread, would seem a few of us had watched it, "Peggy" was main topic discussion, then it turned to "Annie" as my mates have heard me bump off about her driving,,, one mate says best one is (and yes I have posted this before):-

Annie's negotiating a very busy junction where five roads meet , she's enters yellow box area and traffic comes to a stop, lights change so she decides to reverse back a bit to clear junction,,, she hears a dull thud from rear of car, looks in mirror, see an old mans face staring at her through rear window, she gets out car, old guy on a mobility scooter, is at a 45 degree angle and he's hanging on to handlebars for dear life,,, Annie gets back in car and drives forward very slow and lowers guy back on to ground, she gets back out of car and goes to see if he's ok, he calls her a "donkeys prick" (Would seem he was Irish),,, guys ok but by chance cops turn up, take details... Few nights later we're in local, one of lads is a solicitor, I'm relying Annie's story to him, Annie taps me on shoulder saying there's something I didn't tell you,,, "guy was on a pedestrian crossing with green man light on when I reversed in to him",,, solicitor mate just put his hand up to his throat and made throat cutting motions..........

And I'm calling this post "The Jolly Cyclist", because it's just along the the road from the Jolly Angler pub that me and Dermo had a pint or two in when he was last over, and why is the cyclist jolly,,, he's alive...

We're driving along the road as you see it in the picture, we need to turn right where the bin truck is coming out, on the day in question roads are very busy not as in picture, we stop at junction waiting to turn right, there are about six cars heading towards us preventing us from doing so, in with cars there is a cyclist, very obvious, last car passes, Annie goes for it, cyclist almost comes straight in my passenger side window, oh he had blue eyes,,, his face was an inch from impacting window,,, Annie goes what you screaming about, I say the cyclist you almost killed,,, "What Cyclist" she says...

Remind me not to get in a car of yours if Annie's driving...

Oh there's never a dull moment, better than a day out at Alton Towers for scaring the shit out of you...

Today Mathew I'm meeting mate to watch football in a pub right in the city centre cos pub we normally watch 3pm kick of matches in on dodgy illegal satellite channels is shut due to management issues, Annie's dropping me off, pubs up a side street off Deansgate Manchesters main street, routes dead simple, down Ashton Old Road, left turn on to Mancunian Way, then right turn on to Deansgate,,, were on Deansgate and its unusually quiet, the reason near to the pub I'm heading to the road is blocked cos they're erecting a tower crane at a building site, we come to a stop at a set of traffic lights near to where I'm going, I say to Annie just do a U-turn (road was wide enough to do so and there was no oncoming traffic) and let me out I'll just walk from here,,, my thinking being there were temporary road signs ahead diverting traffic down side streets and there was no need for Annie to get involved in that, simply turn around, let me out and head home,,, but no, what she do, makes to turn left down a side street, turns out side street is blocked by two cop cars as some sort of incident is going on, so Annie blocks street further by parking right across the entrance to the street, I say why you not do a U-turn like I said,,, Why do I want to do a U-turn she says, I say cos the roads closed,,, whys the road closed she asks,,, I say cos there's a big feckin crane parked in the middle of it erecting an other crane and there are loads of signs saying road closed,,, she says I didn't know that give me the satnav out of glove compartment,,, I say you don't need satnav just turn around and head home pubs not far from here I'll just walk, her reply, "I need satnav to get home",,, for feck sake she's lived in Manchester all her life, it's a simple retrack the route we just came, Deansgate, left on to Mancunian Way, right on to Ashton Old Road,,, simples, Annie's main office is just off Ashton Old Road so she's there a couple of times a week, but she needs a satnav to get her a few minutes up the road to her house ???

The conversation at the traffic-lights was a bit heated, I recall my parting words being "LEARN TO DRIVE"...

Then worse than that pub we had been told would be showing match on a dodgy channel wasn't, eventually ended up complete other side of town in a pub that had it on, missed good part of first half...

Oh dear what a mistake...

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Should have been brought in in stages, let them drive their men too and from the pub initially, once they've masterd that, then the football, then the lap dancing bars etc, etc...

I'm getting dropped off today at football when Annie's on way to see her sister, Annie's house is in a cul-de-sac, forty yards or so to road that runs through estate, we reach road, she looks right and pulls out left on to road, right in front of van coming up middle of road due to parked cars,,, first Arghhhhhhh,,, then road were on takes a tight 90 degree turn to the right, bit of a blind corner that for some reason Annie thinks it's ok to negotiate on wrong side of road,,, and today it's even worse there's a van parked at the apex of the corner so it's totally blind, so what Annie do, whizzes round on wrong side of road,,, big argument in 200 yards of her house....

Did she show the driving examiner a bit of cleavage when she passed her test?

Bit cleavage,,, must have been feckin naked...