Patsy seems to drive perfectly well if I'm totally pissed. 
+4
Campbell Brodie
Mermaid
Perfectspecimen
innit
8 posters
100 year old driving school...
Perfectspecimen-
Posts : 14451
Join date : 2011-08-15
Age : 70
Location : Cambs / Golf del Sur
Adam Mint-
Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Annie has developed a sore hip which is giving her problems bending up and down, she's been doctor and hospital and is now recieving physiotherapy, Friday were in Asda, she sees a long handled brush and pan set as in picture below and purchases a set, the bin bit pivots so rubbish don't fall out as you move around, to empty it the pan bit it locks so you can turn it upside down, whether the bin is locked or unlocked depends on the position of the handle, simples innit,,, NO...
Annie's just used it for the first time, she locks bin bit as she's sweeping up so as she's moving around sweeping the floor the dirt she's just swept up is falling back out of bin on to floor,,, I point this out to her, "Do You Think I'm Stupid That I Don't Know What I'm Doing",,, (Err yes but I don't say it), she starts to try and lock pan, she's gonna break the handle, I shout "Stop",,, (you getting why I posted this on this thread),,, so she finishes sweeping the floor the pan bit being locked and unlocked through the process,,, she then makes to empty the contents of the pan in to the big kitchen bin, she's got the pan in the unlocked position so it's flopping about all over the place spilling its contents everywhere...
It was like watching a demented monkey,,, so if that's her with a brush and pan what are the chances with the car/driving,,, that said, to be fair to her no instructions came with the brush and pan set...
Annie's just used it for the first time, she locks bin bit as she's sweeping up so as she's moving around sweeping the floor the dirt she's just swept up is falling back out of bin on to floor,,, I point this out to her, "Do You Think I'm Stupid That I Don't Know What I'm Doing",,, (Err yes but I don't say it), she starts to try and lock pan, she's gonna break the handle, I shout "Stop",,, (you getting why I posted this on this thread),,, so she finishes sweeping the floor the pan bit being locked and unlocked through the process,,, she then makes to empty the contents of the pan in to the big kitchen bin, she's got the pan in the unlocked position so it's flopping about all over the place spilling its contents everywhere...
It was like watching a demented monkey,,, so if that's her with a brush and pan what are the chances with the car/driving,,, that said, to be fair to her no instructions came with the brush and pan set...
Mermaid-
-
Posts : 10439
Join date : 2011-08-14
Location : Scotland
. I love your stories Minty. Poor Annie
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Oh, forgot, to store the brush and pan set you put the pan in to the unlocked position, put the brush in it and clip the two yellow handles together with clip built in to them (picture below), now this is the way the set is sold to you so the two parts ain't falling about all over the place...
So what does Annie do when it comes to store the brush and pan set in the cupboard, she hooks brush section on to a hook in cupboard then makes to attach pan section to it with built in clip, but she's trying to clip it to the grey shaft not the the yellow handle, the grey shaft is thinner so pan section keeps falling off,,, then it's "THIS CLIPS BROKEN",,, no it ain't I say, I explain she's got to clip yellow handle to yellow handle, so what dose she do, keeps trying to clip it to the grey shaft getting angrier and angrier as it keeps falling apart,,, I walk over to cupboard and clip the two together, took one second,,, should have seen the look I got, it wasn't one of appreciation for the help I'd just given let's say...
So what does Annie do when it comes to store the brush and pan set in the cupboard, she hooks brush section on to a hook in cupboard then makes to attach pan section to it with built in clip, but she's trying to clip it to the grey shaft not the the yellow handle, the grey shaft is thinner so pan section keeps falling off,,, then it's "THIS CLIPS BROKEN",,, no it ain't I say, I explain she's got to clip yellow handle to yellow handle, so what dose she do, keeps trying to clip it to the grey shaft getting angrier and angrier as it keeps falling apart,,, I walk over to cupboard and clip the two together, took one second,,, should have seen the look I got, it wasn't one of appreciation for the help I'd just given let's say...
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
It does look technical to be fair...
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
And Annie's favourite word, "Oops", when she's doing anything be it, loading the dishwasher, preparing food, tidying up, typing on the computer, anything, all you hear every few minutes is "Oops",,, she goes at everything at a hundred miles a hour cocking the job up as she goes, I've said to her umpteen times just slow down and do the job right first time rather than having to keep going back and fixing out the cockups, but no, chaos continues, take loading the dishwasher, she'll say we're gonna have to put it on twice there's to many dishes to fit in, I think no there ain't, have a look at it and it's as if the dishes have been tipped in from a wheelbarrow, I say empty I and start again, "NO, I'll put it on twice",,, I say no, there's no point in switching that on half the dishes won't wash the position they're in empty it and start again,,, there's normall a bit of what I will call discussion between us at this point, then with a bit patience everything fits in, so why not just do that in the first place ???
Then of course women can multi-task,,, no thet can't, multi-cockup more like,,, I can tell when Annie's multi-tasking, it's "Oops Oops Oops",,, "Oops Oops Oops,,, "Oops Oops Oops",,, Oops Oops Oops"...
Strange thing is Annie works with people who have mental health difficultys, I've heard her on the phone to them, patient as hell she is with them...
Then of course women can multi-task,,, no thet can't, multi-cockup more like,,, I can tell when Annie's multi-tasking, it's "Oops Oops Oops",,, "Oops Oops Oops,,, "Oops Oops Oops",,, Oops Oops Oops"...
Strange thing is Annie works with people who have mental health difficultys, I've heard her on the phone to them, patient as hell she is with them...
Mcqueen-
Posts : 30546
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 70
Location : England
What first attracted you to Annie 
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Campbell Brodie wrote:It does look technical to be fair...
The company Annie works for has basically apartment blocks where they house the people with the mental health issues, Annie looks after two such apartment blocks, the plan is to try and get the patients back in to mainstream living on their own in council housing, so people are passing through although they could be there for a couple of years in the process, so flats become empty and part of Annie's job is to assess the condition of the flat and prepaired it for the next patient, this could be a total refurbish or just replace some of the furniture, if a total refurbish painters, carpet fitters etc would be contracted to do the work, but the purchasing of furniture and fittings is down to Annie, which includes her building any "Flat Pack" furniture (Oh Dear)...
So a couple of months back she's preparing a flat for a new patient, she's ordered a new bed, drawers and a wardrobe for the bedroom, she comes home from work moaning, she's started to build furniture then realises it's to big for room so she's gonna have to dismantle it and send it back,,, I say didn't you measure it? "No I knew it would fit"... Now only a few months earlier at Christmas she done up her daughters bedroom, a small bedroom, she arrives back from IKEA with bed/furniture, I take one look at the sizes of the boxes and say that will never fit in that room did you measure it? "No",,, so I did, it all went back and smaller stuff purchased.
Yet she goes and does the same thing a few months later...
I sometimes wonder who the mental ones are, the patients or her...
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Mcqueen wrote:What first attracted you to Annie
Her pissing on my mate Craig...
It was a Sunday night pre a bank holiday Monday so everyone's out on the piss, Annie and two of her mates come in to the local, they've had a few, I'd met Annie's two mates before but never Annie, we all get speaking to each other, midnight comes and locals shutting, me and mate are heading town to a late night bar and ask girls if they're coming, turns out two of them are having to work on the bank holiday and are heading home, Annie ain't working so is up for a late one, so off the three of us head to town,,, Annie is slowing us down cos she is having difficulty walking in the shoes she's got on saying they're hurting her feet,,, so my mate in an act of manliness hunches her up on his shoulders, after about fifty yards or so he crys out WTF,,, the jogging on his shoulders had obviously affected Annie's bladder control...
And I obviously thought how can you not like someone's who's just pissed on Craig...
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
Mcqueen-
- Posts : 30546
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 70
Location : England
I knew i was going to regret asking
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Adam Mint wrote:I could pass a negative comment every 50 yards or so, I have to bite my tongue so often I've got permanent teeth marks in it,,, she drives with a 20 foot radar, what I mean by that is anything happening more than twenty feet in front of her don't register with her, for example, bus is stopped at bus stop, other cars are filtering in to outside lane to pass it, not Annie, right up to back of bus and has to force her way in to outside lane, dual carriageway we use a lot inside lane is blocked off for weeks with roadworks, big signs up telling you inside lane is blocked so traffic is filtering into outside lane in advance to pass roadworks, not Annie, drives right up to them and again has to force her way in to outside lane to get past them,,, traffic lights, you can see your gonna have to stop but foot on accelerator till last minute then brake, there's a dent in the passenger side floor where I keep trying force my right foot through it,,, but green traffic lights, Ah, would seem different rules apply, she slows down for them??? people behind her must be thinking WTF,,, lane choice at junctions, we mainly travel the same routes so know the roads well and what way we're going at junctions so being in the right position on the road to negotiate the junction should be easy,,, No,,, as said 20 feet or so from junction radar kicks in and rapid lane changing takes place, not always successfully, often we end straddling two lanes which blocks other traffic or just completely in the wrong lane,,, I could tell her in advance where to be on the road but that just starts world war three as mentioned above,,, heading to town there's a short cut through an industrial area which cuts out a good few sets of traffic lights (I learnt about it due to a taxi using it one night), so to use it we have to turn right off the main road in to town, virtually every time we head town it's when we're about twenty feet from turning the radar kicks in and its brakes, indicator, and the car positioned roughly somewhere ready to do right turn, usually arse end of car is blocking traffic behind us which there is no need for given width of road, and as I say these occurances are on roads she knows and uses daily... It's actuall better when we're going somewhere we don't know and she uses the satnav, at least someone's telling her where to turn and what lane she's gotta be in,,, Oh, and she has fell out with the satnav, she didn't like the tone of the woman telling her what to do and would keep telling her to shut up,,, we found out the satnav had voice options so there is now a nice calm male voice telling her where to go,,, obviously not mine.........
So today Mathew Annie's dropping me at Snooker Club for pool match, were on road as mentioned above where we would normally take short cut, she ain't slowing down at-all as we approach right turn in to the shortcut road, I think say nothing she's just gonna go main road so live with it, but almost adjacent to right turn the brakes are slammed on, there's no way can we make right turn so we almost come to a stop in lane for going straight on past road we were meant to turn right in to,,, I think we're gonna get rear-ended as I can see car headlight behind us, I shout Keep Going, Keep Going, she does, I'm watching nearside rear view mirror by now and car behind just managed to avoid us,,,,,,, Oh, it's my fault,,, I didn't tell her to turn...
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
In relation to above post, picture below shows junction, we should have come to a stop in middle lane where arrow for right turn is, but no, we almost come to a stop in left hand lane on top of zebra crossing...
We will go same route to quiz tonight,,, anybody taking any bets...
We will go same route to quiz tonight,,, anybody taking any bets...
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Just been Asda for big weekend shop, as we're leaving car park there's a McDonalds, I say I've got munchies and fancy a burger, now Annie's been this McDonalds hundreds of times cos her kids lived of their stuff at one time,,,, the McDonalds has just reopened after a refurb, we're going to the drive-through bit, now bit where you speak your order in to microphone was originally at rear of building, but now as we drive down the side of the building we can see they've changed layout, road now splits in to two lanes with an order microphone positioned at each lane, then lanes merge back in to one to go round rear of building, there's about four cars in front of us waiting to place their orders, as were queuing were discussing the new set up saying there will probably be some arguments with people trying to push in where the two lanes merge back in to one, so it comes Annie's turn to drive up to one of the microphones, what she do, drives straight past it and heads round back of building to where order microphone used to be, I shout to her to stop, she does and says what's wrong, I just point back to the order microphone,,,,,,,,,,,, we had just been discussing the new order point set up,,, WTF goes on in that space between her ears...
Last edited by Adam Mint on Fri 13 Oct 2017 - 17:02; edited 1 time in total
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
Probably thinking about getting her nails done... 
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Never a dull moment when in a car with Annie...
Yesterday she's dropping me for football, we're meeting in a pub I've never been in before, knew where pub was just never been in it, plus it's on far side of town in an area I ain't been in for a while, satnav's taken Annie on to ring road rather than going straight across town, route takes us under a major rail protect going on in town to link Piccadilly and Victoria stations, project involves building a new bridge as shown in pictures below, note pictures are artists impression but real thing is almost complete and looks like them minus the trains, we're approcing bridge seeing it as in third picture, Annie is unaware of project so I give her a quick update, she says "that's stupid, trains won't be able to up and down that",,, I say they don't, then go along the level grey painted bit...
You just can't make it up...
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Yesterday she's dropping me for football, we're meeting in a pub I've never been in before, knew where pub was just never been in it, plus it's on far side of town in an area I ain't been in for a while, satnav's taken Annie on to ring road rather than going straight across town, route takes us under a major rail protect going on in town to link Piccadilly and Victoria stations, project involves building a new bridge as shown in pictures below, note pictures are artists impression but real thing is almost complete and looks like them minus the trains, we're approcing bridge seeing it as in third picture, Annie is unaware of project so I give her a quick update, she says "that's stupid, trains won't be able to up and down that",,, I say they don't, then go along the level grey painted bit...
You just can't make it up...
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Well it was Wednesday and pool night so Annie's dropping me at the Snooker Club, we're approaching the club as seen in picture below, drive to club had been reasonably uneventfull, as we approach junction pre the club lights are at green for us so we're keeping up with other traffic going through lights, normally as we clear lights Annie pulls up just before side street to left I jump out and she continues in direction we're heading as that takes her home, but she ain't slowing down, I think something must be close behind her so she's going to go down side side street on the left to get out of traffic flow, but no not the case,,, I say where you going,,, she says home,,, I say but your dropping me at Snooker Club,,, oh, forgot,,, she slams the brakes on and almost comes to a stop in flow of traffic, I suspect we're gonna get rear ended,,, she pulls in to kerb past the sandstone building next to the Snooker Club...
Sole purpose of journey is to drop me at Snooker Club but she's gonna drive straight past it and head home with me still in the car,,,,,,,,,, in hindsight I should have said nothing and seen when the penny dropped..........
Sole purpose of journey is to drop me at Snooker Club but she's gonna drive straight past it and head home with me still in the car,,,,,,,,,, in hindsight I should have said nothing and seen when the penny dropped..........
Mermaid-
- Posts : 10439
Join date : 2011-08-14
Location : Scotland
this is so funny. Can't wait for next weeks story.Adam Mint wrote:Well it was Wednesday and pool night so Annie's dropping me at the Snooker Club, we're approaching the club as seen in picture below, drive to club had been reasonably uneventfull, as we approach junction pre the club lights are at green for us so we're keeping up with other traffic going through lights, normally as we clear lights Annie pulls up just before side street to left I jump out and she continues in direction we're heading as that takes her home, but she ain't slowing down, I think something must be close behind her so she's going to go down side side street on the left to get out of traffic flow, but no not the case,,, I say where you going,,, she says home,,, I say but your dropping me at Snooker Club,,, oh, forgot,,, she slams the brakes on and almost comes to a stop in flow of traffic, I suspect we're gonna get rear ended,,, she pulls in to kerb past the sandstone building next to the Snooker Club...
Sole purpose of journey is to drop me at Snooker Club but she's gonna drive straight past it and head home with me still in the car,,,,,,,,,, in hindsight I should have said nothing and seen when the penny dropped..........
Mcqueen-
- Posts : 30546
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 70
Location : England
If Annie finds out she will belt him for sure 
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Yeah,,, and I'll be walking everywhere...
There's a new story about Annie and the red traffic light,,, gotta go now will post it later...
There's a new story about Annie and the red traffic light,,, gotta go now will post it later...
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
The red traffic light story...
About a month or so back Annie gets a speeding fine, caught on a mobile camera not far from her house...
Now you all know what I think of Annie's driving but one thing she is not is reckless speeding around everywhere being aggressive, she just don't keep an eye on her driving and what's going on around her, brains on shoes, handbags, etc...
So for being a few MPH above the speed limit she's got an option, £90 fine and 3 points or a driving correction course at the cost of £100,,, no brainier innit...
So today she receives a letter from Greater Manchester Police, I say is that the date for your driving correction course, she says no,,, would seem I've gone through a red light, £60 fine and 3 points,,, I say who was driving as Annie, her son and me all drive the car, she says I can view photos on Internet, so she looks, deffo Annie driving, location, time etc it's her going to work, would seem she went through 16:7 seconds after lights went red, so end off...
Pictures below, oh I type a bit more after the pictures...
Guy in high vis is a cop waving her through the junction, and that's a cop motorbike center picture holding up traffic coming other way, there was some sort of incident going on...
Shit, she's still licensed tokill drive...
About a month or so back Annie gets a speeding fine, caught on a mobile camera not far from her house...
Now you all know what I think of Annie's driving but one thing she is not is reckless speeding around everywhere being aggressive, she just don't keep an eye on her driving and what's going on around her, brains on shoes, handbags, etc...
So for being a few MPH above the speed limit she's got an option, £90 fine and 3 points or a driving correction course at the cost of £100,,, no brainier innit...
So today she receives a letter from Greater Manchester Police, I say is that the date for your driving correction course, she says no,,, would seem I've gone through a red light, £60 fine and 3 points,,, I say who was driving as Annie, her son and me all drive the car, she says I can view photos on Internet, so she looks, deffo Annie driving, location, time etc it's her going to work, would seem she went through 16:7 seconds after lights went red, so end off...
Pictures below, oh I type a bit more after the pictures...
Guy in high vis is a cop waving her through the junction, and that's a cop motorbike center picture holding up traffic coming other way, there was some sort of incident going on...
Shit, she's still licensed to
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
Today Mathew it's pool night, as norm Annie's dropping me off but we've got something to do in town first so we're going a different route but it is on a road Annie will have travelled many times before,,, we're driving along the road as shown below, road is two lane in our direction but inner lane is taken up with parking bays, where you see the red car in the distance there is a crossroads controlled by traffic lights, I remind Annie we are going to turn left at the lights, we are approaching the first parking space in the picture, the car in front indicates left and pulls up in parking space, Annie pulls up behind it, I say what you doing, she says I'm waiting to turn left like you said,,, I say the guy in front has just parked up,,, she pulls out and goes around him, she then pulls back in to inside lane and pulls up behind a car about thirty or so yards down the road, I again say what you doing, she again says getting in lane to turn left like you said, I again say but this is another parked car.................
Like I've said before you just can't make it up...
Like I've said before you just can't make it up...
Mermaid-
- Posts : 10439
Join date : 2011-08-14
Location : Scotland
Adam Mint-
- Posts : 23101
Join date : 2011-10-07
Age : 59
On the back of my last post...
As I was typing it this one came to mind,,, not a good day, Annie's brothers funeral a couple of years back, he was about fifty and taken by cancer very quick, nice guy, well liked, manager in a construction company, non smoker, moderate drinker and still played in a football league for people his age, apart from family at the funeral the numbers were swelled by his social and work friends, the cortege from the church to crematorium was very long, I'm in Annie's eldest sons car about there quarters of way back in proccession, I ain't got a clue where we're going, he had a rough idea but we're basically following the car in front which was a black BMW X5, as we approach junctions/traffic lights I give the people of Manchester their due they waved the cortege through, we approach a crossroads with the view of turning left, the lights for us are at green but an ambulance with blue lights and siren going needs to cross in front of us so we stop, ambulance passed we round corner, around the corner there is a row of shops with a sort of lay-by in front of them, Annie's son pulls in to lay-by behind black 4 by 4, I think he's going to one of the shops for something, bit time passes, he says when's this guy gonna go,,, I say that ain't the BMW we were following, it's just a parked up black 4 by 4...
So seems problem runs in family...................
As I was typing it this one came to mind,,, not a good day, Annie's brothers funeral a couple of years back, he was about fifty and taken by cancer very quick, nice guy, well liked, manager in a construction company, non smoker, moderate drinker and still played in a football league for people his age, apart from family at the funeral the numbers were swelled by his social and work friends, the cortege from the church to crematorium was very long, I'm in Annie's eldest sons car about there quarters of way back in proccession, I ain't got a clue where we're going, he had a rough idea but we're basically following the car in front which was a black BMW X5, as we approach junctions/traffic lights I give the people of Manchester their due they waved the cortege through, we approach a crossroads with the view of turning left, the lights for us are at green but an ambulance with blue lights and siren going needs to cross in front of us so we stop, ambulance passed we round corner, around the corner there is a row of shops with a sort of lay-by in front of them, Annie's son pulls in to lay-by behind black 4 by 4, I think he's going to one of the shops for something, bit time passes, he says when's this guy gonna go,,, I say that ain't the BMW we were following, it's just a parked up black 4 by 4...
So seems problem runs in family...................