What are you doing today??

Thieving bassa's them elves, Do they mention elves in the bible ?, If so what role did they play in Christs birthday, Lets disect what happened that monumetous day 2012 years ago, And also was John Lewis given the right to fleece us dry, Lets do a time team type ivestigation into the biggest load of tosh ever thought up by the church, Starting with - Was Mary telling the truth to poor Joe , Praise the Lord

...and how come a Robin is on a Christmas card? And even stranger...a feckin' snowman. (Does Jerusalem have many snowmen?). How come we send Jesus's birthday cards to each other at Christmas?
What's with a Christmas tree? Was the cross made out of one? ♫ O' Tannebaum, O' Tannenbaum...♫
Still, saying all that, I like Christmas time!

Did they have a clogged up royal mail. If alcohol was banned apart from wine, why di we all get pissed

Chav Nativity

There's this gal called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?)

She's not hitched or anyffink, but she's got this dude name of Joe. He does joinery and stuff. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazereth.

One day Mary meets this bloke called Gabriel. She's like 'Oo ya lookin at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an' that.

She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that. Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their
'eads. They're like 'Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from
this Lord geezer.

He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

'APPY CRIMBO

Somebody is telling us porkies, They usualy wear silly clothing, Why ?

Perfectspecimen wrote:

And vince turned stella into piss

Coz it is innit

Evening H, Innits about you know.

cunningham wrote:

Perfectspecimen wrote:

And vince turned stella into piss

Vince turns Stella into bullshit

Morning all up and off, daughter here already to house sit

Today I am braving the strong gale force winds.

I'm working Stan the tiler was here at 8am,

Car has to go to MOT soon, Patsys passed on Saturday so thats good at least. Brake pads ordered from ebay cos little warning light is on. Frigging hooter not working. I have sheds full of stuff that will come in handy one day. Can I find one? Can I feck!

Any warning lights are a fail now , I could take them in like christmas tree's, not anymore, Took a miriva in this morning, 2 page job, i left it and said ring me when you finish, Rang the woman and she had a panic attack, couldnt breath poor lass, I love my job somedays, Always somebody worse off than you,

Evil twat

Perfect Specimen wrote:I take it you're on the rock then Innit. Make sure Howard is a good boy while his wifes away next week. He's not allowed out after dark you know.

He is always a good boy when shes away he is only in trouble like the rest off us when they come home

I'm making 10 skinny black mens ties

Cruella de Vil wrote:I'm making 10 skinny black mens ties

That made me laugh so much even this morning so I had to make a comment. Bet she thinks how rude.

I thought you knew her as she is on your friends list

I thought it was hilarious too

Cruella de Vil wrote:I thought you knew her as she is on your friends list

I thought it was hilarious too

No no idea who she is, I have loads of 'friends' on facebook and don´t know half of them. Bit like the person on here who has the same name as one of them but claims not to be.

Out of here, won quiz last Tuesday so dining out on the £20 pub grub voucher, plus Scots mate down,,, so you are warned..........................................

Oh dear, talking to yourself at 3.00am - have a good evening Adam, and have a drink for all of us....Oh you usually have more than that

Remember... an aglet is the little plastic bit on the end of a lace. That should win you the drinks...