q8..........How to get rid of a nasty stain on your bed sheet, produces massive scisssors and cuts it out, nutter
+4
Campbell Brodie
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Campbell Brodie-
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"I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary.'
George Carlin (1937-2008)
George Carlin (1937-2008)
Campbell Brodie-
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"I finally have the body I want. It’s easy, actually, you just have to want a really sh-tty body.'
Louis CK (1967-)
Louis CK (1967-)
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racist
Campbell Brodie-
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The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’
I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.’
Les Dawson (1931-1993)
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He was great when he did the northern women who would only "mouth" any dirty words
Campbell Brodie-
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"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.'
Joan Rivers (1933-2014)
Joan Rivers (1933-2014)
Campbell Brodie-
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"Room service? Send up a larger room.'
Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
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"Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.'
Chris Rock (February 7 1965-)
Chris Rock (February 7 1965-)
Campbell Brodie-
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"My friend keeps telling me I'm in the closet . . . I just say it's Narnia business!'
Will Ferrell (July 16 1967-)
Will Ferrell (July 16 1967-)
Campbell Brodie-
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"I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm so indebted to her for.'
WC Fields (1880-1946)
WC Fields (1880-1946)
Campbell Brodie-
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"A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.'
Bill Murray (September 21 1950-)
Bill Murray (September 21 1950-)
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like that
Campbell Brodie-
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"My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!'
Sarah Silverman (December 2 1970-)
Sarah Silverman (December 2 1970-)
Campbell Brodie-
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"God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.'
Robin Williams (1951-2014)
Robin Williams (1951-2014)
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Loved her - him dancing with the hoover, 
Campbell Brodie-
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"Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.'
Bill Bailey (January 13 1964-)
Bill Bailey (January 13 1964-)
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"How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"
Steven Wright (December 6 1955-)
Steven Wright (December 6 1955-)
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"The worst two Winters of the 20th century . . . Mike and Bernie."
Victor Borges (1909-2000)
Victor Borges (1909-2000)
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"The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."
Jay Leno (April 28 1950-)
Jay Leno (April 28 1950-)
Campbell Brodie-
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"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."
Dave Barry (July 3 1947-)
Dave Barry (July 3 1947-)
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"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."
Benny Hill (1924-1992)
Benny Hill (1924-1992)
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"
Sir Bedevere: 'Now, why do witches burn?'
Peasant: '...because they're made of... wood?'
Sir Bedevere: 'Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?'
Peasant 2: 'Build a bridge out of her.'
From Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Sir Bedevere: 'Now, why do witches burn?'
Peasant: '...because they're made of... wood?'
Sir Bedevere: 'Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?'
Peasant 2: 'Build a bridge out of her.'
From Monty Python and the Holy Grail