"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car."
Bob Monkhouse (1928-2003)
Bob Monkhouse (1928-2003)
+4
Campbell Brodie
Adam Mint
Perfectspecimen
Mcqueen
8 posters
Jokes
Campbell Brodie-
Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest."
Roseanne Barr (November 3 1952-)
Roseanne Barr (November 3 1952-)
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me."
Steve Martin (August 14 1945-)
Steve Martin (August 14 1945-)
Mcqueen-
Posts : 30546
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 70
Location : England
I dont get that 
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
Probably the bad news is it's incurable... 
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there."
George Burns (1896-1996)
George Burns (1896-1996)
Topdog-
- Posts : 21262
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 65
Location : England
Reg Thicko, its because its so rare no one has had it before, He had Dixonamnesia
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV."
Jerry Seinfeld (April 29 1954-)
Jerry Seinfeld (April 29 1954-)
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.'
Bob Hope (1903-2003)
Bob Hope (1903-2003)
3rdforum-
Posts : 22953
Join date : 2011-08-30
Age : 54
Location : Ireland
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall.'
Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)
Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"If something about the human body disgusts you, the fault lies with the manufacturer.'
Lenny Bruce (1925-1966)
Lenny Bruce (1925-1966)
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"You know, it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks: "Daddy, is this organic?" "Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight! We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!"
Dylan Moran (November 3 1971)
Dylan Moran (November 3 1971)
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered 'French Toast during the Renaissance'.
Peter Kay (July 2 1973-)
Peter Kay (July 2 1973-)
Mcqueen-
- Posts : 30546
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 70
Location : England
1973 ?
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
That would make him 43...looks about right.
Mcqueen-
- Posts : 30546
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 70
Location : England
Thought it was when he said it
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
Mcqueen-
- Posts : 30546
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 70
Location : England
I'm a bit thick arnt i 
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"Bob Geldof . . . no wonder he's such an expert on famine, he has been dining out on I Don't Like Mondays for thirty years."
Russell Brand (June 4 1975-)
Russell Brand (June 4 1975-)
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"Where there's a will – there's a relative!"
Ricky Gervais (June 25 1961-)
Ricky Gervais (June 25 1961-)
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"A man walks into a chemist’s and says, "Can I have a bar of soap, please?" The chemist says, "Do you want it scented?" And the man says, "No, I’ll take it with me now".'
Ronnie Barker (1929-2005)
Ronnie Barker (1929-2005)
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas, but is she grateful? . . . No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup."
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"Do you know how many middle-aged men go out for a pint of milk and never come home? Not enough.'
Jenny Eclair (March 16 1960-)
Jenny Eclair (March 16 1960-)
Campbell Brodie-
- Posts : 59106
Join date : 2011-08-13
Age : 69
Location : Scotland
"I wish people would stop making fun of fat people – they have enough sh-t on their plates."
Eddie Murphy (April 3 1961-)
Eddie Murphy (April 3 1961-)